(The lovers – Black Cats tarot)
So we have already worked out by now that Toni-Ann (yes me), is going through a massive transformation.
Now it’s time to tell you some of the catalysts that placed me on this journey.
As I talked about in The Importance of Balance, Glandular fever knocked me for six, a few years ago.
In hindsight I realise it was an inevitable, and very necessary fall, so that I would change fundamental things about how I lived my life.
I’d been in a bad relationship that drained me physically and mentally.
I was commuting four(!) hours a day, five days a week, with no regard for my health.
I was totally asleep to me, and what I needed to be happy, healthy, and whole.
Getting ill, made me face all of that.
I was forced to slow down, and look at everything I had been hiding from.
At the same time I started a relationship with the love of my life .
It’s been very up and down, on and off, but the defining feature, has been how incredibly loved I feel.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians: 13
The Bible verse above is well-known. Used for wedding readings, it is often held up as the template for unconditional love.
I’ll be honest that although it had always seemed like a great ideal to me, I had no real idea of what it meant until recently.
I realise that true love is not confined to the rituals of marriage, and children and building a home together. Though these things are admirable.
True love lives in all the spaces between, and including the landmarks of a traditional relationship.
(Four of wands – Rider Waite Tarot Deck)
True love is in the love of oneself.
True love is having enough self-respect to know when loving another may not be enough to ‘save’ them.
True love is about allowing someone to save themselves.
Because love is patient and love is kind, to others but also to ourselves.
Love never fails, because you do not have to be with someone to love them.
True love is also transformative.
If I had not fallen in true love , I would not be completing an MA Creative Writing, and I would not be writing this blog.
Because in true love I found an encourager, a supporter, and a confidence builder.
Perhaps the one thing I have learnt about true love, is that it remains even if the person is absent.
It remains, and yet it does not hinder.
When true love breaks, it manages to put itself back together.
(Two of Swords, Black Cats Tarot)
Much love Txx