Wednesday Wisdom #30 – Full Moon: Releasing Codependency

Each Wednesday I will begin the day by drawing a divination card for inspiration and posting it here.

With a few words from my intuition, I will give you something to think about for your day, and week.

Use the card as a writing prompt, or simply something to reflect on.

*I pick these cards at random, by shuffling a deck, and allowing a card to fall out on its own accord. Whilst shuffling, I ask God to show me what I need to see for this post, and all who read it. It may not resonate with you, and that is OK – this is just my offering to you who reads this, it is sent with love and best wishes. Take what feels right for you, and leave what does not, for another.

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(Exchanging Gifts by Colette Baron Reid in Wisdom of the Oracle Deck)

In keeping with Monday’s post, I decided that at this month’s Full Moon, I will complete a Full Moon releasing ritual. 

Today is the date of the Full Moon here in the UK, and tonight I will take the opportunity to write a letter addressing all the people, thoughts and beliefs* that it is time for me to let loose.

*These are people, things, emotions and situations that have mostly already left my life by the way  – but that I am still holding on to in some way – due to fear, comfort, or  codependency.

The card I have picked for today, will provide a focus for the things I need to release. 

The card for today, came out in reverse position, this means that the shadow aspect of the card is in focus.

This is ideal as what comes up in this card, is the very thing that will need to be let go of.

Exchanging Gifts is a card about give and take, very similar to last Wednesday’s card.

Due to the fact it came out reversed, it is strongly advising me/us to take a look at where we have been over-giving in our lives.

The message in the guidebook that comes with this card, matches perfectly the intuitive hit I get:

“being only the giver and not the receiver plays out in many relationships in your life where you find yourself in victim mode, in a codependent dynamic, or holding on to a false sense of control. Others may push you to continue to prove yourself. The time has come to distance yourself from this kind of imbalance. Being aware of the need for both give and take is the first step to your true destiny. It’s all good, and getting better. Not only can you handle this, but you can flourish as a result of it!”

It is very clear to me that the main area I will need to work on releasing at this Full Moon, is my need to to over-give in order to control situations.

 Sometimes our need to give to others, is about our inability to give to ourselves.

Now I am in no way talking about charitable giving, or giving your time to someone who truly needs, and values, and depends on your help.

I am talking about feeling the need to help people, who have not asked for it, who are able to help themselves, or who do not appreciate the help that you give. 

Often times when we do this, it is to distract us from our own problems, our own priorities, and from taking responsibility for our own lives.

We all know the person who is unable to get their own affairs in order, but is always on hand to offer unsolicited advice.

I know this person, because I was this person. 

When involved in my worst platonic and romantic relationships, I could easily see and point out the flaws in the other person.

I would spend most of my thinking time, trying to work out how to solve the problems in  my friends’ lives or my partner’s life.

Though these problems were legitimate, I failed to understand that my problems were the problem. 

Because of underlying self esteem issues, I felt validated when I helped another. It was the way in which I felt valued, and needed and wanted.

As spoken about in various other posts, this led me to be attracted to and attract those that needed my help, and often were ready to take advantage of it. 

The last year or so has  finally brought this to my attention, and I have been healing this need to over give.

I have come to understand that giving for genuine reasons is so much more rewarding and soul nourishing. 

I have seen my life shift in such positive ways because of this. 

At this Full Moon, I am ready to kick the remnants of this  codependency out of my life.

Because you see, when we struggle with something, truly overcoming it can be a long and arduous process.

It can creep back in when you least expect it, showing up in ways just different enough to almost go undetected.

It can also take up space in you psyche, tainting your experiences in subtle ways. 

So tonight I am going to release it.

Release your over-giving or anything else you need to work on with me?

 

1.Write a list of all the people you have given too much to in your past, or those who you continue to do this with. 

2. Expand on how all this over-giving made you feel. 

3. Vow to learn the difference between over-giving and giving for healthy reasons. 

4. Write all of this down on a piece of paper. Send up prayers or intentions of how you intend to let go of toxic patterns.

5. Lastly, burn or rip up this piece of paper. (Safely)

6. Move forward in life day by day, and see how the effects of this ritual show up in your feelings and physical life. 

Books and Resources for Further help and Guidance 

Definition of Co-dependency 

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie 

Women who love too Much by Robin Norwood.

Much love Txx

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